Thursday, June 20, 2013

Brazilian congressman proposes "gay-cure"

by Pedro Tolentino

Dear international readers, the first paragraph of this text is, unfortunately, true. The law will never pass, but as a Brazilian I feel ashamed to have this issue discussed by elected officials which are paid with our taxes.  The rest of the text I just made up, after all even the "true part" is not serious anyway...

The Human Rights Commission of the Brazilian Parliament pre-approved on Tuesday (18th) a bill that determines the end of prohibition, by the Federal Council of Psychology, treatments that purport to reverse homosexuality. The session, which approved the proposal, was presided by the head of the commission, Marco Feliciano, a right wing politician who owns most of his votes to die-hard Christian conservatives.  Feliciano wants to spend public money on a program called "Gay Cure".  

Little known to the general public is that Feliciano is also planning on using on his treatment a drug that is being tested by Pharmaceutical Giant Pfizer for a few years in far away corners of Uzbekistan. The drug, which was first tested on mice, then goats and only recently in humans, has shown some success in what appears to be the primary objective of Feliciano, the mass return of millions of homosexuals back to the closet.

The drug, called Heterosil, has actually reduced the desire of some tested "Homo-Uzbeks" towards same sex potential partners.  Some of the voluntaries even mentioned a mild interest on trying out a hetero relationship.

The results have to be handled with care, male Homo-Uzbeks don’t tend to work out and show off their “six packs” to fellow Homo-Uzbeks.  The simple life they lead tend to keep them away from gay nightlife and grooming rituals.

Relapses have already happened, last week a Homo-Uzbek who was showing amazing progress on his road back to the closet did not resist when confronted with the first chords of “Dancing Queen”, and immediately joined the choreography, pole dance included…

All that said, Mr. Feliciano remains confident on his mission ahead…